There are some strange people on the Internet. Go on, have a look, some of them are probably there right now. Here's a small peek at the traces they leave when they visit this site...

August 2003

• Hits: 52339
• Search strings: 64
• Top search: "south downs way biking" (18)

At last a few oddities. Someone wanted to see a "monkey on Bez," someone else was after "big Tobes," but the winner is the curious concept that is a "bunnyhop map."

July 2003

• Hits: 115831 (!)
• Search strings: 121
• Top search: "whores" (18)

Lots of searches this month, but still not a great deal of amusement. Plenty of whores: old favourites, the piss-drinking ones, are back too. Runner up, "gayboy." Winner, "abmany," and it's got me curious - I'm still trying to figure out what it is, or indeed where the hell on my site it is.

June 2003

• Hits: 27329
• Search strings: 110
• Top search: "whores" (19)

People are distinctly lacking in imagination this year. The whore searches are taking over. Surrey whores, whores on bikes, whores from Southampton, big-assed whores, top whores, whores from wales, minging whores, craic whores (oh hang on, that's us), extreme whores, bike whores, stupid whores, rich whores, last month's runner-up of monkey whores, Devon whores, Iceland whores and simply whores, all featured in this month's line-up. Silly Search of the Month is "busted" - since I can't imagine why anyone would want to find them.

May 2003

• Hits: 21079
• Search strings: 99
• Top search: "monkey bike" (20)

A fairly dull month, it has to be said. Nothing much in the silly department other than the usual clutch of whore searches, the strangest of which was probably "monkey whores." The winner though, purely by dint of the fact that it was the only non-whore-related silly search, is "shitbrick" (and even then I'm a little cagey about giving that the award seeing as it could quite feasibly be someone looking for Toby).

April 2003

• Hits: 22767
• Search strings: 100
• Top search: "monkey bike" (24)

Well, there was a royally dull selection of phrases this month. One hundred of them to choose from, and only two are remotely daft. Runner up? That'll be "bush bonk," yet another of those phrases where you just know this site was complete and utter disappointment. Winner? That will be the disturbed person who was looking for a "double ended mars bar."

March 2003

• Hits: 33239
• Search strings: 58
• Top search: "whores" (24)

I'm more concerned about the runner-up search, "monkey whores," than I am about this month's winner, "gary rhodes twat."

February 2003

• Hits: 22728
• Search strings: 55
• Top search: "whores" (19)

Search hits are getting a bit quiet at the moment thanks to me having removed all the old SHTML files and replaced them with PHP, so all the engines are out of date. Some people made their way through though. In a close call for the runner-up spot, the honour goes narrowly to "sliding whores," which I can only assume must be someone looking for a porn remake of the film "Sliding Doors" (or someone actually looking for sliding whores, but frankly the mind boggles). But our winner by a country mile this month, which makes you really wonder what someone was hoping to find (and no doubt they were very disappointed when they arrived here), is "extreme monkey images."

January 2003

• Hits: 15964
• Search strings: 157
• Top search: "monkey bike" (17)

Things went a bit quiet this month. Too much turkey I presume. And frankly, if this month's search strings are anything to go by, 2003 isn't going to be the most inspiring year on record. Our runner up, despite the argument that it should maybe win by default, is the had-to-happen-sometime stupid search, "stupid search." The winner is the certainly odd, but disappointingly dull, "cramping ping."

December 2002

• Hits: 16749
• Search strings: 192
• Top search: "kona retro," "kona lava dome," "flaming drambuie" (9)

(lost the stats from 9-15 December)

In keeping for what we might expect in the results for a site which also contains the Craic Whores site, there were the usual strange whore searches. But I'm staying clear this month, in case this page becomes the "Whore Search of the Month." So, instead, we have some less cheeky but vastly more obscure searches. Taking the silver medal we have "the advantages and disadvantages of travelling by car," (can we smell someone trying to get a free ride on their homework, I wonder?) whilst eking it out for the gold is the unexciting but equally unfathomable "midi it's a great afternoon."

November 2002

• Hits: 39587
• Search strings: 314
• Top search: "tow ball bike racks" (21)

A busy month for the site, but largely down to links rather than searches. More worryingly, out of the 314 search strings, most of them were remarkably sensible. However there was quite a bit of demand for "whores," mostly associated with various localities of the UK. In a normal month, our Stupid Search runner-up, "stomach pump whores" would be a winner, but it's edged out by the impressively bizarre "granny shit whores."

October 2002

• Hits: 7732
• Search strings: 81
• Top search: "avid discs" (22)

(stats from 20-31 October only)

The first Stupid Search of the Month only pulled in a few contenders, but two stood out. In the runner-up slot was the slightly worrying but not sufficiently stupid "very old whores," but this was beaten to the post by the utterly stupid "wet welly."